I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
