i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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