before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
