You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I love you.
Bad choice
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