My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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