the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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