Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
