A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
