yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
