i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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