I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
