people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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