That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
