mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
