erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
