there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
