Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
