You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
