Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
