so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
