Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I FOUND THE LEGS
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
