im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
