I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
