I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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