Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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