Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
