It's Friday. Sex?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
