Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize