I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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