Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
