There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
