Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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