Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
