i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize