Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
