she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
