why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
