Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
