this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
