Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
