get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
PANTIES FOUND
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