Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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