Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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