i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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