nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
