He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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