i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
