There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
