I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
