i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
