i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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