and you said cock pushups were impossible
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
