Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
