you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
