well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
