I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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