I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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