just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
