Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
