I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
