I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
