I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
