He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
