If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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