We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I party with great urgency now.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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