i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
