hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
