how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
