I got chris browned last night
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
