I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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