I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Green mimosas i think yes
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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