I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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