I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
