I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
