I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
