Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
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He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
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