while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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