just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
