Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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