somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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